


In Your Dearest Memories (Do You Remember Loving Me?)

by fecofijo



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, a tiny bit of hurt/comfort, and therapy, but without a happy ending, have i mentioned angst yet?, hello welcome back to my coping mechanisms, it's sad and gay and sad, just a tiny one :D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27386077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fecofijo/pseuds/fecofijo
Summary: But one particular face she catches sight of among the crowd was one she hadn’t been expecting. Pale skin, green eyes, black hair, a face which she has not seen in years, and had selfishly hoped to never see again.Frankly, she should’ve known better.“Was that really the ending?” The voice sounded so much like home and felt so cutting all at the same time. The lilting accent, the intonation… Kara couldn’t figure if she missed or hated it.“Excuse me?” Kara sputters, unable to say much else.“The girl in the story…” the woman bristled, “Kieran, was it?”orKara is the author of a bestselling novel, a familiar face confronts her in one of her panels.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 24
Kudos: 218





	In Your Dearest Memories (Do You Remember Loving Me?)

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on a tumblr prompt that i don't remember because i have worms for brains.
> 
> title is from melodies of life
> 
> hey hey the tags aren’t updating for everyone i think, so here’s a warning that this doesn’t have a happy ending !!

_Lena had made up her mind long ago, had convinced herself that this is for the best for her. For her and Kara both, and as much as it pained her to do so, she had no choice but to leave. It was inevitable anyway, weeks, months, or years after, she’d lose Kara too, just like she had with everyone else she had cherished._

_Better now than later right? Better that she left first before Kara could._

_The skies cried its anguish that night, had soaked the streets from the pouring rain, and under the faint reflection of the city lights. It’s quiet, deafeningly so, the time being way past midnight, most of the city was asleep. As she waited for her service to arrive under her umbrella, she could see as Kara stood still a few feet behind, watching from under the overhang, with a frown, tears shining in her eyes, barely held back from pouring down. Lena hated that she’s the reason for the woman’s pain._

_But this is for the best, right?_

_Eventually, the moment the both of them have been dreading has finally arrived, as a black car pulls up by the sidewalk, and a man comes out from the driver’s side of the car and places Lena’s luggage on the trunk. Once done, the man holds the door open for her, waiting, and Lena spares Kara one last glance over her shoulder._

_Lena swallows. “You’ll find someone better, Kara.”_

_”I love you.”_

_It stops Lena abruptly in her tracks, and she looks back at Kara, brows knit, as if she were stunned by her words, a part of her questioned if she had heard her best friend right or if her mind was simply playing games with her, but Kara says it again, says it again like a hypnotic mantra that Lena wishes she could lose herself in._

_God knows how much she had wondered how it felt like to be loved. To be loved by Kara._

_“I love you, Lena,” she says, full of sincerity, yet full of sadness. “I always have… so please—please stay. I-I don’t care if we don’t live in a million dollar penthouse, I don’t care if the only thing you could feed me was kale, I don’t care… I just… I just need you.”_

_The umbrella is long forgotten on the ground, the great rumbling of the sky and the cold touch of the rain seems to fade away as Lena’s all of a sudden all over Kara all at once, her hands on her waist, her neck, her face, cupping gently as their lips found each others in a passionate kiss. They pull away, panting, drenched under the heavy rain, and it almost seems as if time had stopped still._

_And Lena says the words that Kara had so desperately wanted to hear._

_“I need you, too.”_

* * *

The crowd seemed to be an endless sea, in them were varieties of people with their own stories. Kara recognizes one as a barista in her favorite coffee shop, recognizes another as a dedicated fan of hers who hasn’t missed a single conference of hers. There were also the less recognizable ones, reporters, photographers, the media, in short, piling into the venue with their questions and bright flashing lights from their cameras.

But one particular face she catches sight of among the crowd was one she hadn’t been expecting. Pale skin, green eyes, black hair, a face which she has not seen in years, and had selfishly hoped to never see again. 

Frankly, she should’ve known better.

“Was that really the ending?” The voice sounded so much like home and felt so cutting all at the same time. The lilting accent, the intonation… Kara couldn’t figure if she missed or hated it.

“Excuse me?” Kara sputters, unable to say much else.

“The girl in the story…” the woman bristled, “Kieran, was it?”

* * *

_“I’m Kieran.” Lena dumbly blinked._

_“Kara," the tall blonde introduced herself to her, white teeth flashing in a wide grin._

_Lena's plan was to stop by the nearby library across the street, scan the shelves for that one certain book she has been itching so much to find and leave, however, stumbling off the ladder and falling into the tall, blue-eyed blonde's arms was most definitely not a part of her plan._

_The woman had looked so soft in her plaid shirt and cardigan though surprisingly had quite buff arms under them — before Lena could find herself feeling up the stranger's arms, she clears her throat._

_“So, uh…" Lena's voice raises in pitch, flustered "Maybe you could put me down?”_

_“Oh, right!"_

_The stranger — Kara — sets her feet down on the tiled floor, and Lena's more than thankful for the lack of people in their vicinity. As she looks Kara up and down, she notices the blonde fidgeting with her broken glasses in her hands, Lena frowns._

_"I'm sorry about that."_

_"It's okay, I have a spare at home," Kara says, an all too friendly smile on her face, though it doesn't quell much of Lena's guilt._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yup! I can manage the rest of the day without them, don't worry."_

_Lena still ends up making up for it when Kara slips up and mentions that she was supposed to be on her lunch break, they have a nice meal in a nearby Big Belly Burger, and though Lena wasn't really into fast food, she finds her new acquaintance's presence fulfilling enough._

_And that's how it starts._

_The next day, she visits Kara (who turned out to be the librarian) and drops off some coffee for her, and before she even knew it, the both of them had started to develop what some people would call a "friendship" It wasn't common for Lena, it's not like her adoptive family didn't want her, and the only people who had dared to approach her were the ones who either wanted to fuck her or fuck her over, neither of which she was interested in, but perhaps having someone she could have coffee and eat with was something she could get used to it._

_Oh, and she also tells Kara that her name wasn’t actually Kieran._

_After that, they only grow closer. Apart from their lunch dates, game nights have also started to become a normal occasion for her, so was the falling asleep in Kara's couch out of exhaustion from work to the point where she was practically living with the blonde and, years later, wouldn't you know it — Kara's looking for a roommate! And Lena was more than happy to move in after some not so subtle convincing from Kara herself. It's closer to the building she was working on and saves her the walking distance as well as more of her money with the shared rent._

_They'd spend the rest of the coming years together, through the new year, through valentines — no matter that the both of them were single. Then they'd spend the entirety of fall on crappy carnivals, eating caramel apples under the autumn leaves. Christmas is always a delight, and for the first time, Lena finally gets presents, actual presents._

_It was okay, more than okay._

_Until it wasn't._

* * *

Of course, it was only right for a bestselling novel to reach the one person that Kara didn’t want it to reach. It’s not like the woman standing in front of the mic was the same woman who she had written about in the novel, right?

Yeah, that’s definitely on her.

Kara sighs, her face hardening. “Uh, Yes… Kieran, she—”

“She loved Linda, truly,” the woman finishes for her. “But in the end she didn’t stay.” 

The room has fallen silent all of a sudden, and only the quiet murmurs of the crowd were to be heard, a casual flashing of a camera. The press will sure be having a field later.

“At least, not in my book,” the woman adds.

Kara swallows. _“Lena.”_

* * *

_“Lena, it’s just some stupid company with a stupid name! You don’t have to leave_ _—”_

_“I don’t want to leave, Kara!”_

_It hadn’t dawned on her at first how much she dreaded having to watch her best friend emptying out her closet and piling in her belongings into a large suitcase. Kara had never even fathomed that this day would come in the first place. Kara loved her life, her life with Lena, she treasured it_ _— rooted deeply into her heart, which is why she finds it shattering into a dozen pieces as it’s being forcefully pulled away from her, and she doesn’t know how to stop it._

_A part of her had been oblivious about how much Lena really meant to her, but now, as she’s watching everything falling apart, and everything is just happening so fast, it feels like she’s been hit by a truck._

_“If you don’t want to leave then stay,” Kara knows how desperate it sounds, but she doesn’t care, if she had to she would kneel, beg, even move mountains if she could, as long as she could Lena to stay._

_“I can’t, Kara.” Lena’s voice trembled, and Kara could tell that she was crying too, even with her back turned to Kara. Lena only forces herself to keep packing. She couldn’t muster enough strength to look at Kara face to face, not right now_ _—_ _maybe never. “I don’t have a choice.”_

_“You always have a choice, Lena!” Kara was yelling now, and it pained Lena to hear the hurt and anger behind Kara’s words. “What could be so important about that company that you’d rather leave me than stay!?”_

_“You!” Lena spun around and faced her. “It’s always been you!”_

* * *

“What the hell is wrong with you!?” the door clicks shut with a loud thud as Lena stormed into the comfort room, an upset Kara stomping close behind her.

“Me!? What the hell is wrong with you!?” Kara gives her a disbelieving look. “You can’t just crash into my panel like that!”

“Oh, But capitalizing over someone’s personal experience without their consent is okay now, is it?” Lena laughed humorlessly, an eyebrow raised in challenge.

“I…” Kara gulps. “I’m sorry,” she sighs, crossing her arms and averting her gaze to the floor guiltily. “That’s fair.”

There’s a moment of silence between them until Lena finally speaks. “I didn’t want to leave, you know…”

And she knows that. She always has, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt, losing someone she loved so dearly. Even years after Lena left, she had haunted her. She could be minding her own business, watching the television and Lena’s favorite movie would start streaming, even the radio would often mention her, telling the world about how Lena Luthor reshaped LuthorCorp into a force for good. In the streets, she’d find posters from the company and would see the giant billboards appearing as it grew larger in influence.

It made her think, made her wonder about all the endless possibilities of what could have happened if Lena just… stayed. It’s what pushed her to write, it became a way for her to cope, and she became dependent on it. almost. 

“I know,” Kara says, sighing as she shook her head. “I was selfish… and scared,” she admits now. “And I didn’t want to lose you.” she chuckles sadly. “Now, look at us.”

“Back to strangers.”

Kara frowns. “Don’t say that.”

“You’re right,” Lena says. “We were gone before we even knew it.”

“Would it have changed anything?”

“What?”

“If I told you I loved you.”

A long pause. “I would’ve come back,” Lena tells her.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I did come back,” Lena reveals. “I was just too late,” she says, both of their gazes dropping to the silver band on Kara’s ring finger.

Kara fidgets with the ring for a moment, a sad smile on her face. “I guess you were.”

* * *

_Lena had made up her mind long ago, had convinced herself that this is for the best for her. For her and Kara both, and as much as it pained her to do so, she had no choice but to leave. It was inevitable anyway, weeks, months, or years after, she’d lose Kara too, just like she had with everyone else she had cherished._

_Better now than later right? Better that she left first before Kara could._

_The skies cried its anguish that night, had soaked the streets from the pouring rain, and under the faint reflection of the city lights. It’s quiet, deafeningly so, the time being way past midnight, most of the city was asleep. As she waited for her service to arrive under her umbrella, she could see as Kara stood still a few feet behind, watching from under the overhang, with a frown, tears shining in her eyes, barely held back from pouring down. Lena hated that she’s the reason for the woman’s pain._

_But this is for the best, right?_

_Eventually, the moment the both of them have been dreading has finally arrived, as a black car pulls up by the sidewalk, and a man comes out from the driver’s side of the car and places Lena’s luggage on the trunk. Once done, the man holds the door open for her, waiting, and Lena spares Kara one last glance over her shoulder._

_Lena swallows. “You’ll find someone better, Kara.”_

_She gets in, and the driver closes the door for her. Inside, the world was muted, and in the silence, she found herself dissolving into a stream of tears, teeth biting down on her bottom lip to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape. She catches the sight of Kara’s reflection on the side mirror._

_Lena’s forehead furrows as she notices that Kara was running — chasing after the car, though she was no match for its speed. More tears come running down her cheeks as she watches Kara’s reflection disappear around the corner._

_It was too late now, Lena had made a decision, one that she couldn’t turn her back on._

* * *

“For what it’s worth… I’m happy for you.”

“Lena.” Kara’s voice makes her cease in her steps, and she reluctantly looks over shoulder, raising an eyebrow as she does so.

“You’ll find someone too,” Kara reassures.

Lena nods solemnly, her mouth curving into a glum smile. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me @fecofijo on twitter


End file.
